


Home

by XavierZephyr



Category: Original Work, Pocket Monsters: X & Y | Pokemon X & Y Versions
Genre: Adopted Children, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Disabled Character, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Here with you by Leo fits them so well, Kidnapping, Night Terrors, Not so secret crush, POV First Person, POV Multiple, POV Original Character, Past Child Abuse, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Unrequited Crush, calem is a sweet heart, slow healing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29801688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XavierZephyr/pseuds/XavierZephyr
Summary: *Title subject to change*A group of strangers find a home in each other.(Though listed under Pokemon purely for the names, all of these characters are my own, and the world is one of my own creation.)
Relationships: Calme | Calem & Serena





	1. Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> The one where Calem comes back 4 years later.

**_Serena_ **

_With no regard for himself, he took a finger to the glowing, dying coals as he parted them without so much of a flinch. And then, I realised just what had caught his attention._

_A ring, a necklace, still as pristine as ever emerged from the ashes as he held it up to the moonlight. The sapphire in the middle still glimmered just as I remembered. And just like that, all the emotions and feelings I had tried so hard to bury came flooding back. All I could do was bite my lip, words a murmur.  
_ _“I forgot I threw that in there.”  
_ _He merely took my bunched up hand, setting the necklace within my grip- hesitating as he did so. Though the metal had cooled, it burned. The pain, and anguish seared my skin- four years worth pent up over time unleashed there and then.  
_ _And then, that darned smile. “It’s all good Serena. Don’t worry about it.”  
_ _It didn’t take much to see the pain slumbering under that smile.  
_ _When I looked towards the boy sleeping by the fire, just as he’d do way back when, it was as if I had been transported back in time- nothing had changed. From the way he’d huddle up like a cat to his messy raven hair, there was no doubting this was the Calem I knew and loved. Though one thing set him apart. His air, his aura. Almost... fractured in a sense. Broken, like it had been for a long time.  
_ _When I’d mention or ask where he’d had been during those four years the boy would merely smile, shaking his head as he’d change the topic as if on instinct, and I had no choice but to follow. Sure he looked like my best friend... but he felt like a stranger. Too scared to trust, too afraid to open up.  
_ _What happened to him?_

\----------------------------------

June 28th- exactly one month since he first appeared, the rain lashing upon my windows as a knock echoed throughout the house. And as I opened the door...  
I had never seen darker eyes.  
He was in shambles, barely clinging on as I let him in, a dripping mess as he collapsed by the fire. From the look of his eyes, I was his last hope... but why?  
In that moment, all the anger I had brewing within faded, just like waves lapping upon the shore. I resented this man for leaving without a trace, and yet here I was, trying to save his shattered soul.  
And funnily enough, it had been exactly four years since I saw him last.  
Our last day in high school, by the gates, as he turned and left. We promised to play video games the next day, go bike riding, camping...  
Those plans never were fulfilled.  
I oft wondered why he returned. A favour? Out of pity? Desperation? My favourite of these possibilities was that he remembered our summer plans, remembered the new game we were going to pick up and the route we were going to take hiking. He came back to complete them- and we’d be happy, just as we were back then. Though I guess, in my attempt to keep on hold to that thought, my naïve wishes, I never did ask why he returned...

Until now, that is. 

We had just finished eating, Calem tried his hand at a new dish he had been eyeing, surprising me with pie and all sorts of furnishings as I came back from work. Dinner was always silent, a comforting air hung around us, only filled with the sounds of cutlery tapping and glassing clinking. Until, I piped up. “Why did you give me a second chance Calem?”  
I caught him off guard with those words, myself included, not really realising just what I had uttered until it was too late.  
“Why, huh?” Already, that was more he had spoken this whole week, voice soft and delicate, almost a whisper.  
“I never did play that new game with you.”  
Those words were music to my ears, a phrase I didn’t know I yearned to hear until now. I ended up buying it in the end, but I couldn't bring myself to open it, to read any of the spoilers or watch any gameplay. I knew how much it meant to him to share it with me.  
But on the other hand... who was to say he didn’t enjoy it without me? Did so many of the things we promised with another friend, best friend or daresay girlfriend?  
And that thought that day was the catalyst for it all. Instead of missing I’d resent. Instead of clutching to memorabilia I’d throw it all away. I became at war with myself, toing and froing between waiting for the boy of my dreams to return, or cast him off as a mirage. He never happened, the happiness he gave me as real as the darned sandman.  
“I still have it, y’know.” I played off my excitement by taking a sip of water with a nonchalant smile. Though on the inside, I was practically screaming, stomach doing flips and my head above the clouds.  
Calem didn’t reply, though judging by his softened features something told me he was glad I hadn’t forgotten too.  
“I’ll get the console from the attic out soon then.”

I began to read Calem’s actions and behaviour over the time, studying their patterns almost like a cat. Like, for instance, his favourite place after eating was huddled in front of the fire after dark. He’d only take the bobbled navy blue blanket, practically eons old, swaddling himself as he’d watch the flames dance upon the rocks. The emerald green mug would be his, and the chipped ceramic set belonged to him. It was only until a random thought struck at night that I realised these were all remnants from the old house- as if he took every opportunity to clutch onto the past. It was almost endearing in some way, after seemingly forgetting all about his past self, he’d go and surprise me by remembering just what he used back then, whether it be a pillow or sitting in a particular place in the room. Seeing the content, almost relieved look upon his face as he did so always filled me with such joy- like the Calem I knew was still there, somewhere within.  
And that's when it clicked- objects were the key to making him remember- or resurfacing memories lying in the depths. He still was that Calem- I just needed to uncover him once again- to scrape off the four years of... whatever happened to him.  
It’d take time, effort, heartache and tears. But if it meant bringing him back to me, it’d be worth it.  
As I walked into the front room with cups of cocoa in hand, the sound of the door creaking was enough to alert him from his trance, lips tugging ever so faintly in a smile. Hot chocolate was always a welcomed treat after a long day of work, and having Calem to rant to about everyone in the office was a fresh change from smacking a pillow all night long. He’d sit by and just listen, never giving any input or advice- but I always felt so much better after it all, like the biggest weight had been lifted from my chest.  
And after it all, I’d turn to him and ask how he was- and as if by script he’d say:  
“I’m fine.”  
And that was it. The silence would fall once again upon us as we’d huddle by the fire wrapped in a blanked of memories, waiting for it to breathe its last. And more often than not during this time, he’d drift off upon my shoulder like a child, still clutching the same jade mug within his grasp. 

\-----------------------------

There was a time when I caught the nastiest of colds one day, and spent the entire day essentially watching Calem doing his own thing from upon the couch.  
I was enamoured, entranced, enchanted by him. If it weren’t for then, I’d have believed he spent the whole day sleeping, not that there was any wrong in that.  
He’d clean the house from top to toe, heading out before any of the markets opened to buy food for that day. I wish I tagged along then really, just to see how Margret at the fruits stand or Darren at the butchers treated him. He always came home with a ghost of a smile lingering upon those pale cheeks of his, as he’d begin work in the kitchen right away. There were so many things I didn’t even realise had changed until I caught him in the act. The vase of flowers on the fireplace? Calem would replace them every morning. The seemingly always freshly cut flower beds? All his doing. And by the time he had nothing to do, the boy would simply curl up in the corner with a book, reading until I came home where he’d usually greet me with a smile, set it down and begin prep on dinner.  
He worked so hard behind the scenes- and I failed to recognise any of his hard work.  
Did that make me a bad person? 


	2. Remembering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Calem begins to remember.

The plate slipped from his grasp, crashing to the floor in a sea of shards.  
“Don’t hurt me please!”  
I had always hoped the first time I heard emotion from his voice would be joy- not the screeching terror right now as his hands shielded his face. He was quivering like a leaf in the wind, as if the slightest movement would send him flinching.  
“Calm down Calem, it was an accident...” I knew full well my words nor my actions would be enough to soothe him, to show him that I wasn’t a threat. But in a mad bid to stop his fear, I rested a butterfly touch upon his upper arm, one so gentle and brief you would’ve doubted it was even there.  
And his shivers stopped.  
In an instant, it was as if something snapped within him, throwing him back into reality as he realised just where he was. Not with someone that’d harm him, a place full of dangers and his worst nightmares.  
He was at home, with me- and judging by the sharp exhale he released unknowingly, Calem was more than glad to have acknowledged that.  
Like a starless night, his features darkened, turning away from me in sheer humiliation, the wisps of his hair falling over his features.  
“I’m sorry.” Was all he squeezed out, voice wavering, barely audible.  
It seemed objects were the key to resurfacing his past- the good and the bad all in one. My mind swarmed with a million possibilities as to what this entailed- a form of PTSD? Childhood trauma- No it can't be... his foster parents were the nicest things on earth.  
Then I remembered something. The most minute detail, the faintest memory. But it was a lead to unravelling this whole mystery.

_The two of us sat huddled by the door, ears pressed as firmly as can be against the spruce. They were talking- something important it seemed- telling us to play in Calem’s room until they were done.  
_ _There were shouts of disagreement, objections and insults being hurled by Calem’s foster father, the weakest sobs heard escaping his mother’s mouth. And there was nothing to be heard by the strangers who came in- until right at the end when one of them spoke, and a deadly silence fell across the room.  
_ _“Hey Sere, what IS Court?”  
_ _We ran as soon as they began to move, dashing up the stairs the instant we heard shuffling from within. The silence in the room carried over, the two of us confused, at a loss for words as we sat in his bedroom. He busied himself with his action figures, a smile still ripe on his face.  
_ _None of us knew what was going on, but one thing was for sure... it wasn’t anything good.  
_ _Despite knowing that fact all too well, he still smiled.  
_ _His father came soon later, and by looking at his happy mask, you never would’ve guessed he was yelling prior. “Come n’ say bye to our visitors you two- and Serena, I hope you stay the night.”  
_ _It was more of a plead than a request, honestly.  
_ _“Okay!”_

_He stood hugging his mother's leg, waving a faint goodbye as I followed. They smiled, a smile that didn’t quite reach their eyes, ruffling his hair as they left. The door shut swiftly, the shadow of the couple disappearing from sight.  
_ _If I hadn’t known any different, you never would’ve noticed anything amiss with his parents. They joked the same at the dinner table, Calem and his father play fighting, only to be separated by his mother and the promise of cocoa.  
_ _None of us were related by blood- my real parents and home were just down the road from here. But despite all that we were closer than an actual family, them treating me like one of their own. They sent Calem and I off to bed in a discrete rush, telling us we needed all the sleep we could get for the park tomorrow. Being the child he was, Calem fell for it hook line and sinker, kissing his mama and papa good night as we went off.  
_ _I, for one, wasn’t falling for it.  
_ _I was only 9 at the time, exactly 7 months older than Calem, and it didn’t take much for me to realise something wasn’t right. Call it a child’s intuition, or curiosity killing the cat, but my suspicions were only confirmed as I went downstairs secretly that night.  
_ _Oh how his parents sobbed._

————————————————

I couldn’t explain why this memory in particular stuck with me to this very day. Maybe because it was like I knew, deep down, this would only be the start of a long road of bad omens to befall the raven-haired boy of mine, past Serena telling me, “I told you so.”  
In a stumbling heap, he escaped the kitchen faster than a cat in the night. There was nothing I could do, I was forced into submission in this circumstance, knowing all too well Calem needed time to sort out his thoughts on his own. After all, what use was describing your feelings to someone if you couldn’t comprehend them yourself?  
I was left to my own devices once again, clearing up the kitchen without so much as a single thought to keep me company.  
And figuring since this day had gone on long enough, I decided to lay it to rest too.

He didn’t show for all the next day; the plates of food left untouched after every meal, door still tightly locked as the faintest shuffling could be heard from within. Pacing, tossing and turning, bedsheets crinkling and soft sleeping, it was evident his body had manifested its fear into its own defence mechanism- doing everything in its power to avoid thinking about anything at all.  
It took me until the end of the day to muster up the courage to approach him, stood outside his door like a statue, wondering what to do. Do I knock? Walk in? Huddle down and cry knowing I’m powerless to the situation at hand? The latter definitely wouldn’t benefit anyone, and so I readied a fist, striking the wood as quietly as can be.  
“Calem?”  
There was nothing to be heard for the brief seconds later, and I had given up all hope on anything until...  
Shuffles. The most discrete, quietest ones echoed throughout the empty hallway, as the lock clicked. The room was as clean as it can be, surprisingly, the only thing a mess was the bed he now sat huddled upon. His head had been buried between his knees, hugging them ever so tightly. I wondered for just how long he had been sat like this, too scared to move in fear of getting something wrong, too scared to sleep with the fear of letting his guard down loom over him.  
I perched at the end of the bed, with just enough space for his comfort, and close enough so he knew I was by him. It took everything within me to not go closer and take him within my arms, to hold him close and never let him go.  
“Do you wanna talk about it?”  
He shook his head slowly, looking up at me with bloodshot, tired eyes. It was evident he never slept, despite my thinking. His lips parted, as if he were about to say something, tentative in his actions. Calem himself wasn’t sure if there was a way out of this dark sea of thoughts and misery. To put it simply, he was at war with himself. My stomach sank a little knowing which side was winning.  
“I’m scared Serena.”

That’s all it took for me to rush on over, taking him within my embrace as his arms flung around me. He held me like a teddy he’d never want to part with, fingers gripping the material of my dress, quivering within my arms. The boy who always smiled, cried, sobs so loud and gut wrenching they echoed throughout, crying until his voice was no more.  
“It’s all so hazy... but I remember it all now- I don’t want to go back to them- don’t make me please.”  
I didn’t bother questioning at this moment in time, attempting to rip off the band-aid any further than it had come off.  
But I too, myself was confused.  
Them?  
He never came back home to his fosters. And his parents lost custody of him.  
They were all talks for a different time. 

* * *

It was about three am, I realised, when a rather unusual sound woke me up. But when I realised just where it was coming from, across the hall- his room, I shot out faster than a bullet.  
Writhing, almost stifled breathing and gasps were heard beyond the white oak as I took the handle, turning it without a thought.  
There are some sights in life you never forget, ones that either haunt or bless you until you see your last. Like the sight of your beloved on your wedding day, or conversely the face of someone you love withering away.  
Except for me, seeing Calem that night would never leave me. Why, I have no idea- was it to do with the fact that I had never seen him act any different, or that I never knew just what a dire enough nightmare was capable of?

Never touch a person having a nightmare- it was a weird superstition my mother always held true to- as if not to cause more harm to someone already in a losing battle. An unfounded belief not, I didn’t want to test it out right now. All I could do was stand by and watch him, my heart wrenching in pain.  
Back arched, choked breathing, body almost struggling- as if he was fighting someone, something off him. Though worst of all were his vacant eyes, wide in fear, with a stare so petrifying it burned into my soul. I didn’t care if waking him right now would be detrimental to him- I needed him to know he was safe. And so, with a gentle touch of my hand upon his, gripping the bed sheets oh so tightly, his once vacant, dead eyes returned to life. They looked back towards me with almost gratefulness, body relaxing as he exhaled deeply.  
No words left his mouth, though I was half expecting that outcome. He probably wants to be left alone.  
“Stay.” He croaked.  
My head snapped back, wondering if I was in a dream myself. Who was I to decline, him in such a vulnerable state and he asks for me of all things. I had trouble letting it set in for a moment. I managed to dip my head in a mere nod, sliding into the bed beside him, the single bed seemingly growing to fit both of us perfectly. We would do this all the time back at home... it felt so good to be back.  
There were so many things I failed to pick up on until now- like how much he was quivering, or how cold he really was. Most of all, just how thin he could be, my arms probably able to wrap around him twice. But those were topics for another time, there was a time and place for everything.  
And by the time I went to wish him a good night-  
He had already fallen asleep. 

The boy who was always too scared to open up now sleeping so freely beside me. How I wish I could delve into his mind, to see just what he was thinking of right now. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Though to me, a person’s face is worth a million. He looked oh so peaceful, soft, gentle breaths tickling my cheek. Though his grip had eased, our fingers remained entwined. The fear the had once plagued them vanished without a trace- I was grateful. And figuring he was safe, I joined him in dreaming.  
By the time I had woken up, it was well past morning, the sun shining down on us from its highest point in the sky. It had been a while since I slept in so late, errands and work always getting me up before the sun was up herself.  
We were still sleeping in the same position as before, Calem nestled into my neck as he lay within my arms. He looked comfy, so serene and sound- it wouldn’t be right from me to rouse him from such a slumber. Though when I went to move, to make breakfast in an attempt to fit his spirits even by the tiniest bit, the boy pulled back. A “Just a little longer”, danced on sleeping lips.  
Well, if you insist.


	3. Old friends, old memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where they get an unexpected visiter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this the first MAIN look into Calem's past.  
> Another thing, I'd like to leave it up to you to order story chapters as you wish, with some level of reasoning.  
> it'll make sense as time goes on :)

We never really got many guests, that was one of the perks of living somewhere where no one knew you. Sure this may have been our home town, but things change. People move out, entrusting homes full of memory to new generations. So, the knock on the door that morning really surprised me.  
It was a hasty knock, tapping upon the glass without pause until I opened, when my sights were met with a young-ish boy. He looked to be about 15,16 at most, donned in a waistcoat and pants, wisps of hazel hair all over the place. Kinda odd if you asked me, but I appreciated everyone’s clothing tastes nonetheless...  
His eyes were glossed over, chest heaving in panic.  
“Can I help you?”  
“Is there a Mr. Calem Forster here? Please I have to talk to him!” His voice rang with such despair, like talking to Calem was a matter of life or death.  
But how did he even know he was here?!  
Two possibilities remained- he got confused, or he had an ulterior motive for coming. And upon realising that, my features hardened, hand ready to close the door, “There is no Calem Forster living here, I live alone!”

“Daine?”  
The voice I recognised all too well, void of all emotion, rang from the stairs. He was breathless, eyes wide, face as white as a sheet.  
So this boy wasn’t lying- because judging by Calem’s face, he knew this boy all too well.  
And all the effort we had put in to helping him all came crashing down.  
“Please I have to talk to you sir!” This ‘Daine’s voice dripped with desperation, looking towards Calem with pleading eyes. I had never seen such fire within his too, yet, from his shaking hand holding mine, I wasn’t sure if it was all a well versed front. His features relaxed a little, a sigh of defeat escaping his mouth, “Five minutes, oh and Daine?”  
His attention flicked back.  
“Don’t ever call me Calem Forster again. It’s Calem Xavier.”

For the first time ever, I had seen a side to Calem I didn’t know was possible, exerting such an air of animosity it even left me lost for words. I wondered just how long he’d last like this, the sand in the hourglass counting down every second before he broke down. As the three of us sat in the living room, Calem keeping himself well away from his unwelcome guest, Daine himself sat on the floor, bowing in shame.  
“You best start talking Daine, what’s the meaning of this- how did you know Calem was here?” It was my turn to do the talking now, voice colder than ice.  
“I came to warn him, his parents are desperate, they’ll do anything to hunt him down if it means securing their wealth- I ran away from the manor, please I even took off the emblem we all swore to wear until our last, I want nothing to do with those sickos, please believe me Calem..”  
He stood up, fingers he had once intertwined with mine now bunched in a fist, as he took a deep breath.  
“Why now, Daine? Why come to save me after all this time, you knew, didn’t you?”

_Why now? Why try to redeem himself after all that time?_

_I clutched onto the idea that Daine was my saving grace then. My mind was foggy with just what he did, but whenever I thought of him... it was warm._

_But his father was the head butler of the manor. He carried out their every command. Even those exacted upon me. Daine was right by his side for it all._

_He could’ve easily told his father to stop._

_Why didn’t he if he cared so much?_

_He was as guilty as them then. His acts were all a façade it seemed._

_SO WHY COME BACK NOW?!_

_I dug and dug within my mind, trying to finding out just what they did. It’s all dark. It hurts, so much. All I remember is none of them could be trusted, forgiven, not in a million years._

_Apparently, not even Daine._

“You knew Daine, you knew all this time- don’t think you can help me now, it’s too late- four years too late!” He spat venom with each and every word, stumbling over them in a fit of rage. I had to hold him back, whispering soothing words into his ear in a rush to cool his seething anger. I didn’t have the whole story- but there was no way that was all an act... yet Daine looked absolutely crushed.  
My loyalty was to Calem. I believed him if he told me this frizzle haired boy had something to do with his downfall.  
“I think you should go, Daine. Thank you for your warning.” Was all I could squeeze out, holding Calem within my arms. He wiped his eyes, looking towards me with a smile before bowing and turning heel. It hurt to see such a young boy being dragged into this... but then again-  
Calem had been dealing with this for longer.  
And with that thought, all my regret faded. 

The adrenaline ran out as soon as the door shut, a shaky sigh of relief escaping his throat. “I’m sorry you got dragged into all of this.”  
“No apologies necessary love.”

Dinner was eaten in quiet, Calem picking at his plate as he waited for me to finish. It was odd, he usually ate so slowly, or rushed off if something was awry. But judging by his uptight body, he had a motive to stay.  
“You deserve to know the truth, Sere.” He said the nickname once drenched in affection with such bleakness, eyes averting my gaze. I had no right to deny, and so, he reached into his pocket, pulling out a piece of paper.

_It was them that came to take me after school that day, I never came back to mama and papa. They intercepted my path, practically dragging me into the car despite my screams, drowned by the forest around us.  
__I was told they found a use for me. And they’d mould me into the son of their dreams- doing whatever it took.  
__My memories of those four years had all blended into one- a black ball of regrets, pain and suffering. Each day was lived the same. Wake up, make a mistake, and spend the rest of it alone.  
__They didn’t attack me directly. They let my weakened self do the work for them.  
__I wasn’t good enough. I oft made mistakes despite putting my most earnest efforts in. I just wanted the pain to be over- it never was._ _Because I was never good enough._ _You were the light that penetrated the darkness, Serena. Even when things looked so hopeless, haunted by fears and memories I can’t even remember fully, you saved me._ _But I can’t run from the past forever. I have to somehow come to terms with it._ _My parents will die someday, and the supposed fear will end. But the scars they burned into me...  
__They’re eternal. I_ _cannot be healed. I have lost too many pieces of myself for that to be remotely possible. B_ _ut you are one piece I cannot bear to lose.  
__And if I have that one piece, I have hope to wake up and face the next day.  
_~Calem

By the time I reached the end of the paper, my tears had blotted the words beyond the point of recognition. My crying eyes met his smiling ones, ones so fractured in fear. “Stay with me forever Serena.”  
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”


	4. Lament

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where we see it from her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two excerpts in one, only because they were fitting, Serena has feelings too.

Everyone is haunted by their past mistakes, no matter how cruel and sadistic one might be. That fact remains constant throughout everyone’s life... even me.  
Except I wasn’t haunted by past regrets from years ago, or humiliation from year three, no.  
The fact that I was so quick to dismiss Calem back then disgusts me. He was clutching onto me for sanity. And here I was in a mad dash to throw his existence away. And even though things are more than perfect with us now, I don’t think I’ll ever redeem myself for it. 

_It was... god I can’t even remember how long since he left, without a word, without even a goodbye._ _None of my messages were opened. Countless game invites expired, the missed calls building up._ _Though instead of worry welling with each- hatred only brimmed._ _We were best friends goddamnit. I told him everything, and I thought he did too.  
_ _Did I do something wrong?_

_I became too scared to trust anymore. Too scared to rely and open up to someone else with the fear that the same cruel fate would unfold. Tables became empty at lunch. I oft found myself alone in classes, people who I once called friends now strangers with their visage.  
_ _It all ends the same.  
_ _This boy broke me, took the heart he knew he held within his hands and crushed it, leaving me with the pieces. And he still had the gall to take one with him, to god knows where.  
_ _Deep down I knew I’d never be whole without him. But even deeper I knew I hated him for that._

_It’d be another restless night, I knew that from an instant as soon as my head hit the pillow. Sleep’s sweet release continued to evade me without external help- thus rendering me helpless to the insomnia. Any normal person would text a friend, call them up and chat until the sun rose.  
_ _Haha, funny joke. Do tell it again.  
_ _And so, I did what any abnormal, rather- ‘unique’ as my parents would call it, girl would do, and emptied the contents of my drawer.  
_ _I still had yet to find a good way to organise everything. Alphabetical order didn’t work. My glasses next to my hair ties aggravated me. And colours were a failed test too- the blue tissue box near my indigo powder compact just didn’t feel right._ _I tried by category this time, seemingly working, a sense of comfort filling me._

_Until I reached the jewellery._ _I didn’t own much, a charm bracelet my parents got me, a couple necklaces, earrings...  
_ _And right in the corner, buried beneath the velvet of the jewellery box was a ring._ _How it set something off within me. I_ _forgot I owned this honestly, and from just one glance at it everything came pouring back. From how he’d rest his chin upon his fist, to the sensation of the metal against my skin as we’d walk hand in hand. The silver wasn’t too gaudy, and the dainty sapphire gem brought out the glints within in his eyes.  
_ _Him. Him All of him- it all came pouring back, the ring basically Pandora’s box.  
_ _My chest tightened, eyes misty as the hands that held the ring began to shake. I couldn’t bare the sight of it, let alone hold it. I had to get it away from me- and fast._ _It’d block the garbage disposal and come right back to me. Dad would thing I accidentally threw it away and hand it back too. I needed something more... permanent. And as I scoured the house, my answer presented itself._

_The coals were dying, ever so slowly, yet still glowed with a crimson passion as they clutched to life. And with one blow, the flames began to grow, a cloud of ash whipping around me. Again and again, I used all my might and then some more, until they roared in full glory just as they should be.  
_ _I took one good look at the ring before me. Was this my healing, the beginning of my redemption arc? Or the hero’s inadvertent downfall... only time will tell.  
_ _And without a second glance, I held it above, with no regards for the flames clawing at my skin...  
_ _And I let go._

* * *

I shot up in a cold sweat, hands feeling around for the piece of the past around my neck. I oft wore it as a necklace, keeping it closer to my heart than anywhere else... and surely enough it was there. As I took it within my grasp, it still burned. Raging flames of anger and lies, all the hatred that consumed me up until very recently. All I want was to be free.

Was helping Calem not redemption enough? 

* * *

Visitors were never really something I got, rarely if not ever. Apart from the milkman knocking and the occasional parcel, there really was no point for the brass knocker apart from show.  
Until today, tonight, where it struck with such force I didn’t know was possible. It jolted me from my trance, from the book I was reading, as I thought-  
Who?  
Who had such urgency to see _me_ at such a late hour, trekking all the way out to my little cottage, especially with the rain thrashing so? Mother and father were in a different country. My boss would never make a home visit so late. I drew a blank each time. And so, I did the only thing possible to quell my thoughts and suspicions. I stood by the door, wondering if opening it truly was the best option. What if it was a trap, bad news or the end of my life right there and then?  
And I thought, if it was, then so be it. My life wasn’t worth living anyways. 

I took the handle within my grasp, readying my grumbles of annoyance as the door opened.  
But when I was greeted by the sight before me, it stole each and every word away. 

He looked to me with a certain desperation, one undisputedly real and nerve wracking, the gasps for breath filling the silence oh, so laboured. The ends of his clothes dripped with the rain from outside, his frame shaking like a leaf in the wind. Of all people to turn up... why him? Why in such a state, greeting me in so too? No words were exchanged between us, but in an instant I knew he needed some sort of sanctuary from the rain, and something else apparently. 

Was this some sort of twisted change of fate by God? Just when I had come to terms with my life, with the delicate situation at hand, it only took a moment to throw everything away- upsetting the balance as I wound up at square one. I was content with no answers, with being left in the dark for the rest of my life. But now, so much came flooding back. So many “why’s”, so many if’s and but’s and way too many emotions to boot. From being emotionless for the longest time to now drowning in them, an amalgamated mess of happiness, sorrow, anger and confusion- I wondered just how long I’d last. And it was a race against the clock to get answers before the last grain of sand fell. 

Though I knew, deep down, this wasn’t the time nor place to hash out any of these emotions. There were more pressing matters to attend to rather than my petty feelings. And so, I swallowed them all down, just as I’d always do, and smiled.  
“It’s nice to see you again Calem.”  
It was as if me saying his name sparked something within him, as his once tensed stature relaxed, a raspy sigh escaping cracked lips. I moved over, as he staggered in, collapsing in a heap by the hearth. What was I to do in this situation? For starters, I knew nothing of his reasons for coming, nor of what unfolded in his life prior to any of this. He could be a felon or fugitive, and I unwillingly dragged into this criminal case. Or he could genuinely need sanctum from something, troubles or an imminent threat. One thing was for certain though- even if I despised him in this moment, I couldn’t turn him away.  
I, myself, needed some sort of closure before that.  
As I draped the towel I fetched over his shoulder, I took a seat, keeping some sort of distance between him and I. The air hung with a certain awkwardness, no one daring to speak or make the first move. I, for sure, wasn’t willing. He’s the one with the story to tell- and I was the one he owed it all too. 

I just sat watching the boy by the fire with a gaze as cold as ice, with no words to say. He still looked the same, features slightly more defined, raven hair now past his ears.  
The same eyes that looked at me with love back then were dead and merciless, features once bright with happiness now as dark as the night. 

“So where did you run off to back then?” I conceded in the end, attempting to make some sort of conversation, face now turning to the forest outside. I’m surprised he still remembered this place after all this time, following the precise path in the dead of the night without so much as even the moon to guide him. There was a long pause as I took a sigh, before the boy piped up.  
I didn’t think one phrase could make me so... angry.  
“I’m sorry, I can’t tell you.”

Even after all this time, he still wants to keep the gag running? My body shot up, the sound of the chair falling enough to turn Calem’s vision to me. I just saw red. Fingernails digging into my palms, my breathing rapid and erratic.  
“You leave me anxiety ridden for 4 years, and you still can’t tell me? You were the cause of so much stress- an explanation is something I deserve at the least damnit!” From the top of my lungs I was screeching, tears of all emotions combined dripping on the carpet below. No words could tell you how long I had waited to unleash all of this. To tell him just how he made me feel during this. Insults were hurled at the boy who didn’t so much as flinch, falling over each word screamed as I gasped for air with each sob.  
I wasn’t angry though. Just hurt. “I can’t... I can’t look at you right now- I can’t do this, get out of my sight.” With a voice hoarse and dying I turned away, unable to stand the sight of the boy I yearned for so long. 

It must of been an hour or so when I came to, seemingly passing out after that not so little episode from before. I hoped it was all a dream, but the dried blood crusting my fingernails was enough to debunk that theory. And so, I braced myself with a deep breath, turning to face him.  
Well, turned to face where he should’ve been.  
Worry coursed within me in that instant, scrambling to my feet as I searched the house from head to toe. Everything had remained untouched, the boy was no where to be seen. Millions of the worst scenarios ran through my mind as I saw the spot where his boots should’ve been empty. He could be dying in a ditch somewhere. Freezing or starving or bleeding to death.  
Or already dead.  
He could’ve been abducted, captured and held for ransom, or worse I daren’t utter aloud. But one thing remained constant throughout all these- if any harm were to befall him, if this boy lost his life after he came back to me- It’d be my fault.  
And that was enough for me to throw my shoes on and run. 

The ground was thick with mud, the rain coming down harder than ever before, drowning out my each and every cry of desperation. I couldn’t see a thing past the dark trees and my tears, running and calling out until I couldn’t no more. He couldn’t have gone far right?  
Right?  
I couldn’t stop now- for his sake and for mine. I need answers, and he needs to live.

  
My foot caught something, sharp and thin, falling to the dirt as I cried out in pain. It was apparent I had come off the main path now, the thorns and poison plants claiming the rest of the woodland as its own. I became too scared to move, too scared to prick myself again or brush myself against a sprig of poison ivy.  
And when I realised I had fallen into a maze of thorns, the fear increased tenfold. Vines coiled around my legs, nature’s knifes drawing blood with the slightest moves and twitches, another branch entrapping my arm in its deadly embrace. It’d skewer me if I attempted to make a run for it. Or I’d just die of starvation if I conceded.  
Either way, what remnants I had of saving Calem, let alone myself, fizzled out of existence. Tears brimmed my eyelids as my throat tightened up, unable to cry or scream. If I were to die here, I’d deserve it. Calem came to me as his saving grace, and I turned him away.  
I’m horrible. 

My vision was clouding, black splotches already taking away what little I could see. Without the adrenaline keeping me growing, the biting cold nipped at my bare arms as each raindrop became a little bullet upon my skin. It was only a matter of time before I blacked out- and I knew the time leading up to it wouldn’t be the least bit pleasant.  
But then, a pair of arms took me. Warm even amidst the freezing rain, comforting despite the situation I was in. I felt the pressure of each pine ease off my body, a jacket upon me, as I was scooped up.  
And my mind couldn’t recall the rest. 

\----------------------------

When I later woke up again, it was warm. The heat of a fire graced my features, the weight of a blanket pressing against my body.  
I was at home, but how?  
It took a while to adjust to the light, pain setting in instantly the moment I began to sit up. A sigh escaped my lips, one I didn’t know I was holding in, when I saw him still here. I took the time to admire him closer, studying features and secrets I had missed in my angered haze. His eyes were a deep dusty blue, and with his hair tucked behind his ears I could see the studs I once dared him to get. And his hair glistened in the fire’s soft glow, lighting up like a starry night. His features had softened, ever so slightly, bringing a strange sense of comfort to me. Do I dare speak? Dare break the comfortable silence I may never feel again with him, dare breaking him again with another outbreak? My lips opened, no sound to be heard as I hesitated. I prayed to every god in the land that I wouldn’t mess this up.

“Thank you, Calem.”

His head snapped back, eyes widening as our gazes crossed. He looked like a cat ready to pounce at first danger, getting ready to leave the moment he sensed any.  
"Please, stay- I don’t think I can go on longer without you.”  
I always knew that was the truth deep down.  
He looked... shocked, to say the least, expected really, as his mouth was left agape- at a loss for words. It was as if time had stopped on his body, stuck in an awkward stance between standing and sitting as we locked gazes. To be honest, he was in his full right to go and disregard my wishes, but he didn’t. Instead of ignoring, he heeded my call. Instead of getting revenge, he gave me solace.  
And as my head rested upon his lap, fingers running through my honey brown locks, I finally felt at home. 

I knew, in that moment, life wasn’t static. It also wasn’t nice either, out to get you at every twist and turn, hellbent on erasing any bit of progress you’d make. I’d have to come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t the master in my own life, I’d have to come and adapt and reform with each change thrown.  
Getting out of the pit dug with four years worth of hate would be nigh on impossible.  
But I had to try. After all if Calem could do it-  
Who am I to deny the chance? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (If it wasn't obvious, the first part is in the present- and the second is Serena's point of view from when Calem first came back home. Not everyone is as accepting about things, but people can learn :) )


	5. Latibule

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where they first meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought it'd be worth mentioning, the main bulk of the story takes place when Serena and Calem are about 21/22.  
> The two were 17 when Calem vanished, and for when they're kids, they're 7.

He was so young and innocent when we first met. Our village had grown to be a family of sorts, and when the Xaviers’ welcomed him in to their lives, they did so to us too. I was so... entranced by this boy. Calem lived so freely, despite his circumstances. Despite the bullying and insults thrown at him at every recess and lunch, he just smiled.  
How could one be so happy when their life’s falling apart?  
He oft spent breaks and lunches by himself in the classroom, and I’d do the same despite the countless invites I got. I was only seven- but dumb test scores meant everything. I was on multiplication and division while they were still learning how to subtract properly. Meaningless friendships would only get you so far, father would say, the best scores will carry you everywhere in life. I stuck by that philosophy, it was the only one I ever knew after all, the mould already cast for me to grow in these ideals, my path set in stone.  
I guess that’s why I envied Calem Xavier deep down. 

The noise of kids shouting and screaming outside brimmed in the stillness of the classroom, pencil scratching from me and shuffling of foil from him. The boy’d sit in the far back, and I the front, keeping the fragile harmony as we spent lunch together, yet alone. Greetings and farewells were never exchanged, no one grumbled or moaned or hummed or sang. Until today, when the unspoken rule was finally broken.

I had been given some harder word problems to complete at my own leisure by the teachers, them struggling to find more things to teach me at this level. They were torn between allowing me to explore more aspects of being a child- the simple arts and crafts and nursery rhymes; or honing my academic skills further beyond. It only took an angry phone call from Father to solidify their decision.  
Though I couldn’t concentrate for the life of me, struggling to comprehend any of the words or even begin to decipher what the question wanted of me. An area? Perimeter? Volume or just a segment of it all together? I should know this. Simple calculations like this are, ironically, child's play. Had I lost my touch? Was I losing the knowledge I had strived oh so arduously to gain? And just when I had reached my peak level of panic and stress, a voice snapped me from my thoughts.  
“Are you okay there?’  
There was no way for him to know of the pandemonium within my head, to any one passing I just looked to be lost in thought.  
“You stopped writing for a while.”  
He seriously picked up on something that little? It’d be rude to not reply, I knew that much at least, as I turned to face him with a cemented smile- just to see the strangest thing.  
“Where’s your lunch box gone?”  
He was a creature of habit, I noticed, sitting on a specific seat and bringing the same blue plastic lunch box in every day. From what I heard and quick glances I took, he’d always have a sandwich wrapped in foil, orange juice, some fruit and a little chocolate to finish it all off. Come to think of it, I don’t remember hearing any shuffling from his direction. A feeble laugh escaped his lips, “They threw it over the edge.”  
How could kids be so callous?  
I swallowed down my gasp and any anger, beckoning him over. This question didn’t give me time to breathe, let alone put any of the lunch mother packed for me in my mouth. This way, it wouldn’t go to waste, as I handed him my box. “I’m not sure if you like any of these things, but help yourself- can’t have you not eating.”  
It took him a couple seconds to pounder and make a decision, ultimately taking the box gratefully. And in a matter of minutes he had finished off every scrap- and I no further into this problem than I was before.  
I felt a pair of eyes behind me, ones curious and inquisitive looking down at the piece of paper with somewhat awe. And then he said something that threw it all into perspective. “Hey, if you split it down there you get a triangle and rectangle!”  
How did I make such a glaring oversight?! Something so small yet so drastic, the pieces of the puzzle all falling into place, as I looked up to him with gleaming eyes. “You’re right!”  
I made my way over to the board, gripping a piece of chalk as Calem followed suit, watching me sketch and scribble away until a sigh of satisfaction escaped my smiling lips.  
“Woah, you're really amazing Serena!”  
It was such a passing comment, but it carried so much weight. No one had ever said that to me before.  
“N-no, that’s all you... thanks for your help.” I played it off with a light chuckle, holding my hand up- his meeting mine in a well deserved high five. 

We’d share lunches and work on maths problems every day after that. We slowly began to move and swap seats until we were next to each other in lessons, and even after school we began to walk home together. I found out so much about him over the time- we lived much closer than anticipated, for starters. The more problems we did together, the more efficient and smarter he became at them, until we essentially were left to out own devices to do more, way ahead of the class. He played video games, not ones too scary, and really enjoyed the same talking bear show I liked on TV. We both couldn’t ride bikes, falling face first onto the mud as we unwillingly discovered that fact. Calem and I were basically the same person- and that secured my bond with him. Needless to say, mother and father were shocked when I brought a friend home, but despite their identical agape expression, the root of their feelings were polar opposites. Mother was beyond words that I had made a long lasting friend. Father took time to warm up to that fact, his primary thoughts consisting of how much time this friend of mine would take away from studies. But over visits, he took a liking to Calem, laughing and joking as they’d both compete in online matches, play fighting to decide a draw. 

This boy had brought colour to our stale monochrome life. 

We became the talk of the town ever so slowly, uncle and auntie and even mother and father telling us of people asking about our whereabouts, narrating all sorts of stories back to them. Two kids running amok through the town square, jumping into the river, even catching us red handed as we tried to escape school one day. Though our parents never complained or told us off, not one bit. Even father laughed off the tales with such glee, with a light to his face I had never before seen.  
Life was different. Life was happy. 

But what I loved most about life was the fact that the boy I met in the classroom at lunch time never once changed. He carried the same air of positivity and warmth everywhere he went, blessing me with it whenever I was in his presence. Though the only time I remember never smiling when he was about was when he was hurt. When we’d initially met, I passed off the bandages and bruises as him being clumsy. He’d be quick to dismiss them, making up a sloppy excuse, and just like that we’d carry on with our lives as normal.  
Until they happened more and more frequently. And I’d begin to realise just when they’d happen too- after football practice when he’d meet me after tutoring. Those boys had been beating him up- I saw it all, unfolding before my very eyes. He’d greet them with such kindness, and the jeering and insults they threw back made me sick to my stomach in anger.  
Homeless. A burden. Pity child. Vagrant. Unloved. Unwanted.  
I wondered just where these eight year olds had learnt such brutal language.  
He just smiled through it all, completely unpretentious and passive about it all. Even with each kick and punch, each piece of his kit thrown and torn and destroyed.  
He apologised.  
It filled me with such... anger. Even though those boys were the nicest to my face, even though none of this was happening to me, each impact caused my blood to boil and seethe more and more- until I could no longer contain it.  
Why was he taking this so well? Why wasn’t he retaliating- he had more than enough fighting experience from all the mock fights we did at home. So WHY wasn’t he defending? 

The high pitched screech emanating from my throat was enough to draw their attention to me, as the full force of my body ramming into one caused him to topple over. I didn’t know I had such power within me, punching one straight into the bleachers, kicking another in the stomach as he keeled over. My uniform was completely covered in all sorts of blotches, the once pristine leather of my shoes crusted in mud. “You keep your hands off Calem, got it?!”  
It’s not like my warnings would hold any weight to a bunch of sick idiots like them, but in that moment, logic meant nothing. I was filled with such animosity. At these boys, at Calem for allowing it, and at myself for letting it get so far. 

I had to drag him home that day, both of us limping after the aftermath of that fight. They certainly didn’t pull any punches against any of us, only relenting as soon as an adult caught wind of the situation- and by the time they had come down we had all vanished into dust.  
The walk home was deadly silent, none of us really finding the words to say, or rather, finding the right ones to convey our feelings. As much as I wracked my brain, I couldn’t find an answer to anything. Even as I was tending to his wounds at home, I couldn’t think of any benefit to any of this.  
“Why Calem?” I didn’t want to sound bitter, but with my flattened expression and gritted teeth, I can’t imagine what it would’ve looked like to him. “Why’d you let yourself get beat up like that huh?”  
When he spoke, it was like the cooling ocean upon hot magma- banishing my anger, “Because mama and papa told me to never fight, even if someone was being mean. They’d regret it eventually, then come and apologise.” 

  
It was then when I realised; this is who Calem Xavier was, and who Calem Xavier would always be. A smiling vessel, accepting anything the world may throw, no matter if it cracked or shattered him. I wouldn’t be able to change him- I had to come to terms with that fact. But as long as I’d be around to protect this boy, then I guess it wouldn’t be so bad.  
And over the years, I began to see this vessel grow. I’d see the vessel crack, but equally I’d come to see him heal under my love, under the love of his parents. He had a smile that’d shine even on his darkest days, even when he knew things were amiss, that his fragile paradise would soon collapse. I took that smile for granted, expecting to be greeted with it just as the sun would. 

The sun never did shine the same way after he left. 


	6. Late night talks should do the trick, right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where they begin to discover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mainly Calem's POV :)

They looked just like me, it was scary. The woman’s hair had been pulled tightly into a bun, the thinnest threads of greying hair framing her pale, wrinkled features. The man wore the smallest of glasses, perched on the end of his nose as he peered down to me with the same blue eyes. His were cold- no matter how much they smiled, it didn’t reach them.   
I don’t know why we went to court on that day, but I overheard some people in suits saying it was a custody case- what does that mean? They brought me in and out to talk, to tell me what I thought of mama and papa. I told them they were amazing! But when I referred to them so, those two people got really angry. Their shouts frightened me.   
It took all day, and I fell asleep in the little play room they made for me. 

When I woke up, I knew I was in mama’s arms in an instant. Her shawl was draped around me, and when I caught glimpse of her face- her smile was... off. Happy. But sad.   
Bittersweet- Serena taught me that word. They said things like “It’s too hard to decide now. He’ll remain with you until the boy can make a decision for himself.”   
“Both of you presented compelling cases. But the Forsters are tenacious. Watch out.”  
We’ll have to come back? I’ll have to meet them again? I don’t wanna. I wanna go back to just being with mama and papa and Serena. If they were my real parents, why did they leave me?  
They’re mean. 

When we got home, we had a really big party with Serena! Her mummy made cake, and mama made her really nice pizzas and hot chocolate for later. It was fun with them all- sure I might not be their real son like people say but I like them. And they love me back. 

I want life to be like this forever.   
Even though we got sent to bed early, we’d always stay up playing and talking and making plans for the days ahead. We’d hid under a castle of blankets, dim nightlights casting a glow on our faces. But today was different. We just... lay there. Curtains drawn, lights off, our fingers intertwined as they usually would be.   
“Hey, Serena? I’m a lil scared.”

* * *

I figured as much, that something big was going on- or about to happen. His smile seemed more forced than usual, as if he tried to keep the covers on whatever he was hiding underneath.   
“We’re best friends- of course I knew that silly.”  
It was only a matter of time before he told me everything, but I never expected the truth to be as dark as this. “What does custody case even mean? If those people take me- will I see mama and papa again?”  
I watched my fair share of dramas with mummy, and she always explained what was going on with tears streaming down her cheeks. Those cases never ended well. The naughty people always won. Court was stupid, I decided.   
I explained how it meant his original parents wanted him back, even though they gave him up years ago. They lost that ‘custody’ of him then. Everyone could see he was fine with uncle and auntie- and that’s where the debate was. Even though they had temporary custody of Calem, it was temporary above all else. They were struggling on who to give it to. Those people don’t deserve a boy like Calem. They can’t have him- he belongs in Wyrside with us.   
“And no... if those people take you, you won’t see any of us again.”   
And months worth of pent up tears came pouring, as if the gates of heaven had opened from those blue orbs of his. Such hysterical sobs, babyish whines and cries it seemed he was too scared to unleash in front of his parents were hurled upon me, all while we huddled under the light of the stars. There was nothing much I could say- it was a matter only time and adults could dictate his future. Not even Calem himself had a proper say in it.   
But I swore that no matter the outcome, I’d come and find him. 

And that I’d be his best friend forever. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! I just wanted to say thank you so much for taking in interest in this story of mine, it's a project I've been working on for over half a year now and have worked up the courage to finally post it...  
> Feel free to ask any questions you may have, I'm happy to answer them all!


End file.
